Warhammer 40,000: Storm of Vengeance (Or “Right Said The Emperor”)

As I mentioned before, I had wanted to get into Warhammer and/or it’s 40,000 variant in my youth, however, was not from a family with a vast fortune, and thus, could not afford to get into the game properly.  Oh sure, I bought my squad of space marines, and then I’d go to the gaming meetups and watch the others set up their tables of enormous landscapes and grand armies and me and my six little unpainted lead figures would go shrink back into the shadows from whence we came.

Years later, through various video games, I’d come to be able to delve into the 40K setting.  With a setting so vast and stories so varied, you’re going to get good games (Kill Team), bad games (Space Marine), and ugly games (The version of Space Hulk they released for the PS1.)  And somewhere in the middle, you get ones like the first iteration of Space Hulk for PC.  (Some of my friends still get a laugh when I tell them “Brother Terminators.” or “One squad will be sufficient.” or “The hivemind has blinded our sensors.”  (Especially if you move your moth like the briefing officer in the game.)

So, when I saw Eutechnyx’s “Warhammer 40,000: Storm of Vengeance,” I can’t say I had high hopes or low hopes, just medium hopes.  The first of them was dashed when, after downloading the game, I had to wait for an additional download for the first map, whereupon the game crashed about 75% through the download.  Ah well, Right Said Fred.  (Not the band who did “I’m Too Sexy,” the song they took their name from about trying to move a piano.)

Try again, and the game loads.  Right away, I see a bunch of DLC being offered.  COULD be a positive sign, however, was busy thinking “If it takes this long to just load the basic game, do I want to throw away money on additional load times…er…I guess they call it “content” nowadays.  So I started up the first level.

You know how sometimes, a game is similar to another game and sometimes, it’s an outright ripoff?  Well, I’m not the first reviewer to say “It’s Plants vs Zombies,” but yeah, it’s Plants vs Zombies, except your plants are orcs and your zombies are space marines.  So, another hope down.

I put the game down for a while and decided to pick it up and try again when, to my surprise, another long download, followed by a freeze-up, then I had a cup of tea and Right Said Fred, loaded it up again and this time it worked.  Played a couple more levels hoping I’d see some difference between this game and the one I already have on my computer and my Xbox and could’ve gotten for phone and/or tablet, but decided that was quite enough, thank you.  And it was quite enough for this game as well.  If I wanted to play Plants vs Zombies, I’d damn well re-install it on one of the aforementioned devices and play it that way.

So, I still haven’t come up with any kind of rating system to give to give the games I review.  Stars seem kinda done, and I don’t want to just pick a number from one to ten because that seems like an easy way out.  Tell ya what: I’ll try to have something in place by the next review, which I hope will come out with less of a gap than the first two.  Meanwhile, in an effort to not seem entirely negative, and still come out of this with at least one hope to get me home, here’s a rather amusing video someone did of the song “Right Said Fred” using Lego characters.  Why don’t we all just set Storm of Vengeance aside, ‘ave a cuppa tea, and watch the video instead?

Yeah, that’s much better.


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